I love Julia. I love her more than life.
She is my most challenging child. She is my most sensory child. Pretty sure she has Tactile Sensory issues. The symptoms she exhibits: avoids particular textures in food, clothes, or other substances, and dislikes wearing clothing, clothing tags, socks, and/or shoes. Now, this could also be because she is four years old... but we consistently go through up and down periods, struggling with it, and have been doing it for a couple of years now. It is frustrating, painful, exhausting.
Julia has been sick for the last 3 1/2 weeks. We've been to the doctor three times now, first she was treated for pink eye, one week later for bronchial pneumonia, and yesterday they decided to put her on a four week program with inhalers. She is coughing up a storm, looks like she's been through one, and her moods are swinging out of control.
This morning was not my finest moment. Kennedy left for track, Leigh and Braedon left for work, and there I was, left with my (demon child) lovely Julia. She got up fine this morning, after a very restless night of coughing and a slight fever, both me and her. I have gotten sick in the three weeks she's been struggling through everything, we are both exhausted. She got up this am, got dressed in green for St. Patty's day, asked for eggs and toast for breakfast... and then all hell broke loose. All of a sudden, she's pulling on her clothes, she doesn't like the way they feel (she's worn them a hundred times before), but that's the thing, what feels okay to her today, doesn't tomorrow, doesn't half way through the day. So after six outfit changes, yes six, searching for the only black pants that feel good to her when she is in this state, and not finding them... I threw up my hands and a whole bunch of rejected clothes, and left the room. She screamed after me to help her pick out clothes, but I had had it. I went back to the kitchen to make her "yolk" egg and toast. She comes to the kitchen in her underwear. Okay, one step at a time. I get her to sit down and eat. She tells me I burnt her toast and broke her egg.. and oh yeah, she wanted two eggs. (yes, I did burn the toast a wee bit while trying to accomodate her little shopping spree in her drawers), but I sure didn't break that egg. She proceeds to cut all of the egg around the yolk and eat it, and then ask me to puncture her egg for her. I do that, she dips her toast, eats everything, drinks all her juice, washes her face... leaves the table to get dressed. Sounds good, right, back on track?
She is mad again. She is in her room looking for those black pants. Inconsolable. Nothing I say or do helps. And I snap. Again, not my best moment. I yell at her. I yell at my 32-pound little slip of a daughter and I give her a little swat on her underwear wearing behind. I tell her that I can't do this all the time, she is making some terrible choices in her behaviour and she is hurting me and everyone around her. Know what my little slip of a daughter does? She gets sarcastic. She tells me "she can't help herself". Seriously, do your 4-year old's tell you that? That makes me even angrier, and I am feeling very "gotta get outta here" right about now.
Anyway, the morning ended in a screaming match, her losing taking her bike to Auntie's for the day, and me telling her that I can't keep doing this with her... she gets really quiet, wants to hug me, telling me she's sorry (she just wants to win the bike back), I don't let her get to me. I love her but I will not tolerate that kind of treatment, I can't! . She will not get rewarded for making our mornings insane, no way. And, she's sooooo good at it!!!!!
But through it all, I love you Jules :) (Bet you can't believe this looking at that angelic face, huh? :)